You should be here

An impromptu on death and loss, for the first time. ❤

As I look around, I see what has become my normal. 

A new place, a new mind – since you’ve gone away.

I always knew one day, I would have to go through what so many have already lived.

I remember as sadly as yesterday, crying out loud that “I wasn’t ready”. 

I remember vividly the sharp words on my tongue, “I still need you”. 

The thoughts raced in the light of my mind, what about my future with you – a future you deeply were already a part of..

My future spouse would never know the humor that you shared –

my future kids would never know the love that you gave – 

my future, you would only be a part of in my own disillusionment.

Am I selfish?

I never knew how close the edge of a passing could get,

until I realized a piece of me was hanging so painfully. 

The time, the lessons, this life – could not have possibly prepared me

For a moment in which you would no longer influence my life.

Little would I have known, even in death you could inspire me.

Even in loss, you could encourage me.

Even in pain, you could give joy to me.

Even in my brokenness, you could strengthen me.

It is all too new for me, it doesn’t matter the minutes spent. 

I think about you often. I obsess sometimes – maybe too much.

All I know, is that you should be here –

In Loving Memory of my Lola, Leonora.

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